Thursday, April 30, 2009

Love this bitch no matter what!

I have loved Kirstie Alley forever. She was beautiful back in the day and she's beautiful now. I always admired her for having a public battle with her weight and adored Fat Actress!

when I heard she had signed with Jenny Craig my immediate response was "thats not gonna work". Why? Because Jenny Craig Doesn't Work. It's a system to drain you of money so you have none in which to buy real food. As soon as you stop, you start eating bad food again.

When she started gaining the weight back I felt so bad for her. Valerie "you need to go away cause I don't even know who you are" B. didn't help much either, I'm sure.

But here is my question. Beth Ditto (again...I actually don't know who she is, just that she is obese beyond words) is being praised as a 'more to love' spokesperson.....why?
Why is her EXTREMELY unhealthy body being glamorized while people like Oprah, Kirstie, Delta, Jen Love and Lisa Marie are ostracized over their weight flux? Its completely unfair.

I really do hope that someday Kirstie is healthy and confident once again. After reading her AMAZING book, "How to lose your ass and regain your life", it's evident that her weight gain has really troubled her. Her early drug use and inability to find long term romance was clearly a factor in her first extreme weight gain. I hope she realizes (and can maybe profit from) the supreme support she still has out there by women of all shapes and sizes!


Wednesday, April 29, 2009

Hugh Jackman is a Douche

So Mr. Jackass was in my town for the World Premier of the new X men movie and won the hearts of my fellow Arizonians by saying that he didn't like LA and NY premiers because there were "too many stars and not enough fans".

Well I guess he forgot we all have tv's in hick town and said at the LA premier that it had "eclipsed" the Tempe premier because his other co-stars and celeb friends were in attendance.

So I say to you may be hot but you're also a major douche bag. Come back in July muthafucka. Lets see who's a superhero and who's not in 104 degrees..



*Such a beautiful man!
Tupac Resurrected (MySpace Exclusive)

Now here is my issue: Who doesn't see this guy and go "um are you fucking Tupac?" like every 5 seconds??? no one has video on their phone to capture this moment?

Also, he has aged really well considering the last time any one saw him was over 10 years ago.....

Still I don't think he's dead. Yes I've seen the autopsy photo of a black dude with horribly unprofessional incisions and his face turned away. Vegas is a crooked town and I'm sure they could stick a couple fake tattoos on a dead dude and snap a quick pic


They couldn't go to Italy?

*Special thanks to Moriah!
They had to go to swine flu central? Really? They decided to risk their health for a michael jacksonesque photo op? They have beaches in other places Pratt Pack!

I hope they have fair haired babies soon, just so the world will hate them more. Better yet, they should be randomly ginger...No one hates gingers like the general public!

PS Heidi looks fab, I can't hate on that body.

Ozzy-Kate Olson

*Special thanks to Moriah!
I don't know who told her to do this...but they need to stop. serial. Just because you have a bunch of money and are bat shit crazy, doesnt give you the right to dress like an trembling old fart.

Two Paris Posts? its a slow week

I guess everyone has bird swine flu!

anyway to brighten your Hump Day...

HAH HA HAHAH HAHAHA HAHAH!!!!! That's a really bad angle in which to hold a fuzzy penis looking back strap, ParPar



Monday, April 27, 2009

She's really rich

They can't do ANYTHING to fix that eye of hers?

Really? I don't believe it at all. She can be such a hottie but the eye distracts me every time!


Fantastic Song about my life

As we all know, Lady Gag Me is not my favorite break out artist. Mostly due to her persona that I find annoying as hell. But if the rest of her songs are this good (so far I dont think they are lol)....I may change my tune


Sunday, April 26, 2009

I knew she looked bloated Friday!

haha jk, that was just one of the MANY hilarious girls dressed as "britney"

I will say, those stupid stockings to have a tiny strip of cotton for the crotch and they always get weird and ripped and look like tampons or pads if you dance in them time and time again...

But that's her fucking tampon, no doubt about it. AT LEAST IT'S NOT AN OVERNIGHT PAD OK? I feel bad for this bitch. Hair's falling out, tamps are always cut the string when you want to be a ho bag on yo rag, girl!

ps a few photos from my night with Brit Brit



Saturday, April 25, 2009

Rob you better not screw this up

I'm a huge Rob Zombie fan. While Halloween was not his best film, I was impressed at the passion he put into the project...which is why I'm sad he went and did a sequel.

Another vehicle for Sheri Zombie. Fine. Didn't expect her not to make appearance as shes got guaranteed roles in every movie he makes till the end of time. And she's fun to watch when shes a crazy bitch. But one question:

why is she dressed like Living Dead Girl again? You know..the video thats about 11 years old now? did they run out of costumes last minute?

Give me one reason not to kick your fucking ass...

Nothing like getting heckled at a Britney show right? Especially by a bald guy with a wedding ring TAN. Yep we all know what that means..the big D, that's what it means. He was probably drunk so I forgive him for calling me Tracy Chapman (I'm guessing because of my locs)....not a lot cause he was fucking ugly and bitter but at least I knew who Tracy was (no one else did) and understood his extremely racist joke. But I did slip a very cute 'tender my numba. All in a days work for the Dahlia!

Britney did great considering she dances for probably 20 minutes the entire show. I don't know who decided she should wear stilettos the entire show but its obvious she cant dance in them. the pole dancing also got a bit old. We wished for more songs from her ENTIRE career but as a fan of Blackout, I was given my moneys worth....I guess.

Who am I kidding, I made profit by selling one of my tickets months ago. I gots mine.


Friday, April 24, 2009

Soulja Boy tell 'em

Soulja Boy. The kid who quite possibly is the most hated pop star in the music biz right now. Hip hop legends blame HIM for the downfall of the genre.

Heres my take: This kid is a self made man. At 18, he has more money than I'll probably ever have and he did it all himself.

He's not "hip hop" hes really not even a rapper. He's just a kid who realized if he simply says the same verse over and over....people are gonna like it cause its easy for them to sing too!

Soulja Boy tell ME how to be you. (and yes I love this song)


Thursday, April 23, 2009

(Not even close to a) Dude of the Week

In accordance with her Circus coming to my town this evening (I'm ignoring that it is still not friday)....

Ms. Britney Spears.
Yes yes yall, I will be experiencing the wonder that is BS (along with some after parties if all goes well)! I hope to jeebus that something hilarious happens, and will hopefully be sharing with you some fantastic stories this coming Saturday.

Britney has had a roller coaster ride of a life. We've seen her bald both up and downstairs, we seen her crash cars, sob on the street and if I'm not mistaken she even went as far as making out with vampirella, Madonna! She's said some stupid stuff, walked barefoot in gas station bathrooms, birthed two human beings and married two idiot beings.

But in the end...she's britney bitch. We love her and always will. She will always come back hotter, stronger and better than before.

And that my friends is why Britney Spears is dude(ette) of the muthafuckin week.


Lindsay is one thing but this is just gross

*I bet leaning on that rock hurt like a BITCH with no fat on her body...

Miss Universe contestant Stephanie Naumoska.

She is officially considered malnourished by doctors!

I'm all for naturally thin people being proud but she's nasty gross! This should never be allowed in ANY pageant because its completely unrealistic. I would never want to be so thin that my arms don't look like arms anymore. It looks like someone stretched skin over the skeleton in human anatomy..and also WHY is her neck so damn long. She reminds me of that girl from "They" aka "Didn't pay attention to the plot because that girls neck seems oddly long".


It's not that bad

so britney lost some hair at her latest concert and Perez decided to make fun of it like it's the most embarrassing thing she's ever done...


Wednesday, April 22, 2009


Okay Perez...I'm like so sure
Why oh why does he have a song talking about the penis I've totes seen and am not impressed with? It's not even that catchy!


Miss California, I'm sick of you already

Lots of hoopla about Miss Idiot California the past few days. Honestly I think its just another way for Perez Hilton to force more of his ugly face down our throat like he does dicks, but I HAD to post this quote from her Today Show appearance

"The way that I answered might have been offensive ... but for me, it was being biblically correct."
her answer was:

"Well I think its great that Americans are able to choose one or the other. We live in a land that you can choose same sex marriage or opposite marriage and you know what? In my country and in my family I think that I believe that a marriage should be between a man and a woman. No offense to anybody out there but that's how I was raised and that's how I think that it should be, between a man and a woman."

Ok. now reading this she could have done some major backpeddling. She says she thinks she believes....ok well there ya go. She has no personal opinion already. Also, apparently she lives in a different country so already she shouldn't be running for Miss USA.

But my real problem is that pesky "I was being biblically correct" nonsense. I hope she goes to church and realizes our right to choose isn't in the bible..thats the constitution. theres a whole big thing about keeping those two piece of literature veeeeeeerry separate. For good reason too, just so stupid pageant contestants don't flush years of mommy's time and money down the drain. I bet she got her ass handed to her when she got home. Hah!


Lindsay you dumb bitch

I don't know what diet you're on but let me in on it!

Just kidding, you're fucking disgusting! Cute dress though..


Well thats just sad

I ask people all the time if they remember a tv show called Unhappily Ever After. It was the same as Married with Children only for some reason instead of a dog who's thoughts were audible..there was a talking bunny voiced by Bobcat Goldthwait....

Anyway while I was scrolling through Balding Out, I recognized a familiar face next to the very balding Jay Mohr! His wife (didn't even know they were married) Nikki Cox who just so happened to be the hot kelly bundy inspired daughter on Unhappily!

Lets just get it out of the way now, her ring is magnificent!

Now on to the mean stuff

1) I'm hoping she's just allergic to her lip gloss but I doubt it.
2) if your pants aren't long enough to tuck into your way out of date Uggs...toss em
I mean I know there was some wonder in that bra but you had big kahunas at one point. Whether they were real or not they looked a lot better than the concave mess you've got now. There are certain people who just should not be flat chested and you Ms. Cox are one of them.

Pawn the ring and get your chest back honey...maybe they can fill you in with whatever the fuck they're pumping into your face.


Ok this was cool BUT

I want everyone to remember that this is not JUST beyonce's Single Ladies dance. Everyone should remember a little video called Mexican Breakfast.

But still this is a pretty good promotional tool even if its been done a million times. People breaking into dance in public places is always a fun time!

Tuesday, April 21, 2009

Even Joan C spent more time with her kids

and I'm being totally serial guys. If this is their weekly rutine give or take a walk in NYC to make sure the photogs love her....there is no doubt in my mind that her children are simply publicity tools.

Taken from Perez because his rose tinted take at the end makes normal people want to vomit:

Madonna's former chef, Eric Ienco, is speaking out against the Material Mom basically saying she cares more about herself than her kids.

Bad timing!

This "revelation" comes out as Madge is appealing her denial of adopting little Mercy James from Malawi.

Didn't her chef have to sign some sort of confidentiality agreement when he got hired?????

Either way, Ienco is speaking out, and according to him, Madge hardly spends any time with her three kids, maybe just about 30 minutes a day.

He adds, "That's why it's a puzzle she wants to adopt again. She's hardly ever with her children. She's got two full-time nannies and one part-time nanny. So why adopt a kid if somebody else is raising them?"

So just what does Madge do all day that's got her so busy ignoring her kids?

According to Ienco:

"She gets up and has a coffee, then she does two hours of yoga. Then there's two hours of Pilates and exercise. That's six days a week. After that, she deals with her e-mail, her calls and the rest of her business. And after that, she spends maybe half an hour with the kids. If Lourdes comes in and says, 'I want to see Mom,' she is told, 'She's doing yoga' - and Lourdes knows she can't disturb Mom. Madonna puts herself before her kids. When she adopted little David, he arrived at her home from Africa - and three hours later, she left to do Pilates. Wouldn't you think she'd want to spend the entire day with her new son?"


We want that chef to take a lie detector test - and now!

We just can't believe that about Madonna.

Now I've been saying this for a while. She has too many nanny's to want to have another child. She works out non stop (obviously) and that takes hours a day. Even though her kids SHOULD be learning things either in school or from a tutor during the day...they should still be allowed to see their mother whenever they please. 2 hours of yoga...ok...why can't your daughter join? why can't they all be fit and healthy tooooogetttthhhherrrr? And while we're on the subject, why the fuck would anyone spend 2 hours doing yoga and 2 hours doing pilates when they are essentially working the same muscles over again. Thats why your body is so messed up over work your muscles and probably burn way way way more calories than you should.

Either way not only did Joan Crawford the proclaimed "worst mother ever" by lots of people who know nothing about her, spend considerably more time with her snot nose adopted children...but even Ms. Courtney Love enjoys hanging out with her daughter. Laurdes run to Courtney's house girl! Hang out with Frances Bean and have some fun before your mom sucks you dry!


Monday, April 20, 2009

Kimmy shut the hell up

So Kimmy is now an unofficial "plus size" model for Forever Crappy 1, and hating it.

"I am a huge fan of Forever 21 and I'm very happy they have expanded their line to include a plus-size range, but I am not in that size category and this article makes it sound like I am! I am a curvy girl and I love my curves, but curvy and plus-sized are two very different things. I work really hard to maintain my curves while staying slim and healthy, so to be classed as a "fuller-figured woman" of extra large proportions is a little offensive.

For the record, I am a size 2, not 2XL."

HOW ABOUT NOT CARING ABOUT POINTLESS NUMBERS AND LETTERS, KIMMY! That was the most horrible way to put things. I love this girl for being kinda fat (and lets face it you're kind of fat and you dont eat all that healthy, I've seen your show and outtakes.) Curvy isn't a size.

Also...your ass is almost the same size as mine and I sure as hell am not a 2 in any way, shape or form...


Sunday, April 19, 2009

She DIDN'T win right? oh ok good

I never watch Miss America because its become one of the most annoying contests ever. The history of Miss America is much more interesting, and really the contests should've ended in the 70's.

Anyway I just saw this

here's my two cents: stay out of other peoples business. I myself don't believe in legal marriage at all. I'm frugal and private and don't want to go buy a piece of paper that I can't just tear up when I'm sick of my dude. But Miss USA's SHOULDN'T HAVE OPINIONS. If anything they shouldn't even talk because we all know why they are chosen...

Her answer was terrible and quite possibly cost her the crown. To say that in "my" country this and "I was raised" that...not answering the question at all. No body asked how YOU feel about gay marriage sweetie. The question was should other states follow Vermont's lead. plain and simple. just say "I believe (not I think, cause no one cares what you think) that each state should fairly and ethically decided for themselves whether to offer same sex marriage, but that all states should acknowledge them as legal regardless."

I for one would hate it if I was legally married in one state and wasn't in the next state over.

Also, Miss California is ugly and looks like a drag queen. I want a REAL Miss USA that's a fat fag hag and poor like me.


Madonna fell off another horse

Can she ride? because this is the second time it HASN'T been her own fucking fault. I call bullshit on Madonnnnnnnnnaa!!

Apparently this time it was due to paparazzi bulbs startling the horse.

1) even I know that horses are easily why you ridin a horse when theres paps all over?

2) considering she broke bones last time....why even risk it. You're bone are so old and weak Madge. Seriously I expect you to turn into dust on New Years...

Maybe she should just stop. I have no clue how Katie Price, decked in pink with big fake boobs and more weave than body mass can ride horses all over the place but madonna seems to muck it up.
Maybe that horse was just not having old crotch on its back...

Either way she's ok so making jokes is absolutely fine.


Saturday, April 18, 2009

ok stevie calm down

I love me some Stevie Nicks...but seriously?

"I believe that computers have taken over the world. I believe that they have in many ways ruined our children. I believe that kids used to love to go out and play. I believe that social graces are gone because manners are gone because all people do is sit around and text. I think it's obnoxious."

- Stevie Nicks tells the Associated Press

heres my two sense. Outside is still there. Do not blame inanimate objects for poor parenting! Just how Oprah recently had a show dedicated to showing how dangerous cell phones and chat rooms are.

1) the only people left who frequent chat rooms are dumb teens out in the sticks who probably have dial up anyway.

2) last I heard it was poor parenting to give young children unlimited access to laptops and cellphones.

3) texting is not bad. I do it constantly. But again this brings us back to parents...I was raised right and I know how to be social and PUT MY PHONE DOWN. I'm a conversationalist and I have met very few people that can't be that way because of technological advances.

Stevie, you were once what parents probably called the end of society with your flowing gypsy dresses, outrageous photographs and lets not forget the music....don't misplace your anger towards pieces of plastic. Outside is still're just old and probably a little upset about it. Love ya boo...


Is this the next stage in music

because in 10 years all these songs are gonna be wHay embarrassing! They're still fun for now though.

Time stamp genre for sure!


Friday, April 17, 2009

Awwww shes only human! and the first Dudette of the Week

Kimmy fell asleep in the sun! She still looks fantastic though. and I really hope she had spf gloss on cause thats gonna suck if she didnt!

*I'm sorry but this is just too funny so of course its dudette status!


Thursday, April 16, 2009

I'm glad I've only eaten the "healthiest" one

MSN has come out with a new list of the worst drive-thru foods one can eat. I find it supriing just how many calories are in these and urge all my collegians to read and take to heart.

This is why we're fat.


Tuesday, April 14, 2009


I usually don't like these rock-makes but this Kill the Lights version is amazing! I wish Brit Brit would experiment with her songs when she's performing live. Something like this would be so fun. Someday I hope she tries a more Kelly Clarkson approach and simply stands and sings LIVE. no dancing and trying to be overtly sexy. Just her and a mic. I've always enjoyed her live singing voice when she's just standing or sitting.

Heres one of my favorite compilation videos and another mash up of one of my last favorite Madonna songs!

Monday, April 13, 2009


Sorry to leave so abruptly folks! I just happened to be on vacation this weekend and forgot all about ya for a hot minute. Anyway, expect new posts this week!


Thursday, April 9, 2009



If Star Magazine and their anonymous "insiders", Britney and her former husband/current baby-daddy, Kevin Federline are hooking up again on her Circus tour.

"It's like they're newlyweds all over again. Brit and Kevin can't keep their hands off each other! The flings have made them both a lot happier," the insider tells Star.

If this happens again
1) I'm gonna be honest and say that I saw it coming because we always go back to our first fucked up boyfriend at least once or twice before it truly is over.
2) I really hope Daddy Spears puts mandatory vasectomies in Britney's bf/fb/hubby contract cause we all know britney loves to fuck...


Awww I cried

It's a full moon yall! and the Dahlia has shed a tear over brit brits newest clip. it's from her MTV truth or dare2 :britney bitch documentary that aired a few months ago. Truly tugged at the heart strings.


Wednesday, April 8, 2009

I can't wait for this show!

Every time I hear that Brit Brit has done something else crazy it makes me so happy! April 24th I'm going to The Circus and I really just want her to do something insane like this!

now to be honest she just says that they'll rock it out with our cocks out. The girl is almost 30....

If madonna can take shots on stage (which I still believe those to be bottles of apple juice) why can't britney say cock? Most kids don't even know what a cock is!



Tuesday, April 7, 2009

Slim Shady not Eminem

As a youth I was extremely fanatic about Marshal. I thought he was cute enough to crush on, genius enough to sing to, and an all around nut to follow in the tabs. 10 years he's gotten really fat, lost all the weight and now he's back looking POUTIER and older...but um...its not HIM! A main difference between eminem and his alternate persona slim shady, is that slim says horrible things about anyone who crosses his path. That's when you know is a SS and not an MM. an MM is going to be filled with personal references etc.

so here is who I believe to be slim shady's new single. The video is kind of lame to be honest. he's done the joke thing to the grave. It is cool to see him dancing around like an idiot though! The song itself will need to be listened to in MP3 format since I can never understand lyrics in videos. Video editors of the world, can you fix this problem?


Monday, April 6, 2009

YEAH! wut up hyphy!

So i'm driving to work this morning and what do I hear? just about the best pop culture song of the 2000's!

nough said. go Jump Smokers!


Sunday, April 5, 2009

She aint keepin that baby

no luck for madge. She has left africa after being denied a new baby.

Now that sucks. I actually feel bad for her. No jokes....uh except for that first one up there.....


Absolutley inspiring.

I am so proud of my President and Firsy Lady! Michelle has wooed our people across the pond in just one trip! This video made me tear up myself. Definitely amazing. Also its definitely amazing that side ponys and big shaggy dog bangs are still being rocked in LDN! yes!

In other news it seems Michelles approval rate in the states is higher than Baracks! I think as he makes himself a clear, strong and present leader of our country, the corrupt leaders of the past are going to start dropping like flies. But never you mind peeps...we don't need their corruption any longer! We have a man and woman who will take charge of a bad situation and do their 100000000000% best to turn it good once again.

-Proud to be an American, D

Saturday, April 4, 2009

I hate this bitch but

as long as you can wear crazy sexy shit like this, YOU SHOULD!

Go Paris. go away but go away looking caliente!

PS I have no idea why she's wearing Geordi LaForge VISOR but why not?

I suddenly feel for Jessica Simpson

Just like everyone else is saying..I knew they were big but DAMN

How does this girl not tip over?!

I can rock a strapless cover up like this but Jessicas boobs are way out of control. I whole heartedly believe that they are natural and a pain to deal with.

Team Jessica's Knockers.


Madonna is going to ruffie the Judge yall

*With all that money you'd think she'd fix that eyebrow but noooooooo.......

Madonna is having an all out African blasty blast party this week.

"Government officials and staff members of Raising Malawi charity are on the guest list for the event, along with traditional dancers. No word if the judge who denied Madge will attend."

which means shes going to drug that judge, and make sure he signs the papers like a good judge should.

Seriously if this woman gets that baby just because she threw a party...I'm gonna be really mad at the motherland.


This week has made me feel old

Has any one else started to notice more and more celebrities from around 10-15 years ago are popping up in Lifetime movies??

Brittany Murphy, Ivan Sergei, Jerry O'Connell... both those guys were hot and that girl was in a lot of movies in the 90's !

Then my youthful younger sister decided date me even more by asking me what "The Mask" was. When I tried to explain, I felt like an idiot.

anyway then I found pictures of all of the above mentioned people in artwork for their lifetime movies and everything was ok again!
why do they all look so uncomfortable? heehhehehehehehe


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